Patrick Declares Rock "Still the Best Place to Live"
Patrick Star confirmed today that his rock remains "very comfortable" and sees no reason to move, despite SpongeBob suggesting an upgrade.
Krusty Krab Runs Out of Ketchup (Again)
Customers panic as the Krusty Krab announces a temporary ketchup shortage. Mr. Krabs says it's "not a big deal."
Patrick Forgets What Day It Is, Nation Shocked
Witnesses say Patrick asked what year it was before taking a nap. Experts say this is "normal Patrick behavior."
Squidward Complains About Noise Levels
Squidward Tentacles filed yet another noise complaint, citing "joy" and "fun" as the main causes.
Sandy Tests New Helmet Filter
Sandy Cheeks revealed a new air filter designed to block jellyfish stings and bad clarinet music.
Bubble Bass Spotted Ordering Extra Pickles
Sources confirm Bubble Bass ordered a Krabby Patty with "way too many pickles." The truth is still unfolding.
Plankton Claims He Is "Very Close" to Success
Plankton announced he is one step away from victory. Observers say this is the same step as last time.
Jellyfish Migration Causes Traffic Delays
Drivers advised to avoid Jellyfish Fields due to excessive floating and loud buzzing.
Mrs. Puff Adds New Defensive Driving Course
The new course focuses on "surviving SpongeBob." Enrollment is mandatory.
Patrick Asks: "Is Mayo an Instrument?" Again
Patrick reignited a long-standing debate during a press conference that ended early due to confusion.